Welcome to the 21st Century Gentlemen
"Times are changing for women in this country. We're putting up with less. Standing up for ourselves more. And making strides some never thought possible." - Megyn Kelly, Settle for More
“Behind every successful woman is herself”
There is
something about being an independent woman that makes you feel powerful. This
independent feeling is as potent as the endorphin rush after an intense work
out. More specifically, to have your own finances and career makes you feel on
top of the world. I feel like I have spread my wings and flying. After so many
years of women being made to feel inferior to men and scrutinized against, the
barrier has finally been broken. We are no longer living in the World War II
era- a world where all a woman’s worth was to raise children and be subservient
to a man. Then out of nowhere the rug was pulled out from under them because
their husbands were drafted into war. All of a sudden us pip squeaks were given
the heavy load of providing for our children by going into the work force-with
the stress of raking in enough dough to feed mouths and keep a roof over our
head. Inevitably, when the war was over and the men returned home we were all
sent back to our insubordinate duties with no accolades for keeping the ship afloat. The
only praise women received after World War II was by helping contribute to the
name of the generation of the early 1940’s, making babies when their husbands
returned home from war, hence the baby boom generation – and that is pathetic.
Female millennials no longer need Rosie the Riveter to make
posters flexing her biceps to help prove to the male race that women could work
too. We are more than that. We are no longer being raised in the baby
boomer generation with no potential, no worth other than to barely finish high
school with the goal of finding a man to marry so he could support us while we
cater to his every need like a Stepford wife. We are no longer type casted as
the housewife who has to stay at home, raise the kids and keep the house spotless.
The man a.k.a. husband is no longer deemed the bread winner. Women are now
delaying having children to build a career for themselves. They are embarking
on many years of education and working their way up in the corporate ladder in
order to feel settled first. There is a whole new trend of women freezing their
eggs to delay motherhood and ensure fertility once they feel financially
settled and where they want to be in their profession. A lot more women these
days are making more money than their spouses and a lot of their husbands are
now staying at home and playing ‘Mr. Mom.’
As a matter of fact, as of recently, studies
show more women are entering college more than men are at an alarming
rate: "In the 25-34 age group, 37.5% of women have a
bachelor's degree or higher, while only 29.5% of men do. (Rates of college
attainment for men and women in this age group are increasing roughly equally.)
But for the over-65 crowd, only 20.3% of women have such degrees, compared to
30.6% of men." Time.com
So
many industries that were always dominated by men are now being transformed. A
medical doctor is the first profession that springs to my mind. Do you remember
going to the doctor’s office as a child and the office was always filled with
male physicians? Most of which were also older? That’s because at the time they
attended medical school female med students were unheard of. Women doctors were
unheard of. The closest that women got to being immersed in the medical
industry was playing the quintessential nurse. Which brings me to my next
revelation: So many stereotypical professions make the hottest costumes for
Halloween. You might notice it around October when all the stores are flooded with
costumes divided by gender norms. The one I think of first is the doctor and
nurse stereotype. All of those years celebrating Halloween I could never
forget about one of the hottest choices women could choose in order to be
“sexy.” A tight white buttoned down dress so short that the girl’s rear end
& cleavage sticks out, accompanied by white thigh highs, a stethoscope,
nurses hat and stripper heels. Of course the doctor costume was always modeled
by men… Well, no more gentlemen. Feast your eyes on this article: MORE WOMEN than Men are Attending Med
School. This
article speaks for itself. May I just add that I am elated that girls are being
encouraged to attend college to make something of themselves thanks to the
broader educational movement.
I feel wonderful knowing that I was the one who bought my
sneakers I wear to exercise and my new snow boots for the winter. I am elated
that I control myself and can’t be told what to do. No one could threaten me
with much when I make my own money and could support myself. There is little
room left for threats and ultimatums. It feels like a super power to
not have to tolerate being mistreated and telling people to go screw themselves
and walk away. The goal is to live life on my own terms. All the
strife and hardship is worth it knowing that everything around me such as my
apartment, food, entertainment and the size of my bank account is the result of
my own hard earned money. I’d rather clean toilets and scrub floors with a
toothbrush than have to bow down to a man in order to be
supported. Every time I walk down the street on my way to work on
Park Avenue I see all these dazzling men in their suit and ties. They look
debonair and sure of themselves as they walk and conduct business on their cell
phone or congregate with their other colleagues as they enter their corporate
building. When I see one passing by it is a reminder to never give them control
of my life. Any man who is not seeking an independent woman who has her own
empire is either possessive and wants to control her purse strings or feels
intimidated by such a strong and assertive female; I call them ‘man boys.’
I am much
more than a feminist. Even if I wasn’t a woman I would still speak about female
inequality. I fight and speak my mind against any kind of adversity, prejudice,
injustice, religion, etc….I like to refer to myself as a humanist because my
views encompass all unfairness the world faces. I don't know about you, but I worked very hard with blood, sweat &
tears to attain these two degrees I have framed and I would not let it go to
waste. I knew (know) this would be a stepping stone in creating myself a
bright future ahead. When I first began graduate school, something that always
stuck was the day I went in to register for classes. As soon as I sat down
to pick the first of my education classes my adviser said to me, "You know
men expect their wives to work." That struck a chord with me ever
since.
Whether you like to believe it or not, a woman who does not
have or gives up her job/career once she settles down and raises a family I
strongly believe is creating an invisible disparity. Even if the man she
marries is a great catch, perfect gentleman, family man, he will always feel
superior and feel he "wears the pants" in the family because he is
the one who brings home the bacon. It does not matter that she slaves day in
and day out to raise the children full time, keep the home immaculate and take
care of her husband, and believe me I know it is a thankless job but if you're
not making any money and not working any kind of proverbial 9-5 job, then
sweetie, it does not matter, because at the end of the day if you are unhappy
in your marriage or just want to exercise freedom and feel powerful &
independent that will not cut it. In a more grim reality, and I am speaking
realistically here and not negatively, if a woman marries a man who is not
ideal (speaking mildly) well then she already starts off financially dependent
on him that snowballs into an avalanche. She cannot leave so easily for obvious
reasons. She has to figure out how she is going to pick up & start off
fresh with no disposable income and any kind of job to speak of. And in order
for her to start this new life she has to make sure she receives enough money
from her soon to be ex-husband and make sure she could even afford a good
attorney and win enough alimony in court in order for her near future to be
secure in any way. If she had children with him, well that is a whole other
battle in itself. This would probably explain why that during the baby
boomer era there were MUCH fewer divorces than there are now, along with other
reason(s) of course.
The answer is YES! You could have it all and it is being
done as we speak! These are one of the many reasons why growing up I knew I was
going to graduate from college and embark on a career to make something of
myself and feel free of needing to depend on ANYONE, especially a man a.k.a.
husband for anything along with feeling respected, confident and proud of
myself as a woman. For any of you that do not agree/believe what I say, get
your head out of the sand! Anyone that really knows me knows I am not one to
sugar coat anything (as if you couldn’t tell by now). I am very direct and
brutally honest. It is true, and if you beg to differ, well then to each their
own! As long as you're happy living in LaLa Land that is fine by me!
The glass ceiling still exists but it is great
to know that there is great progress and slow progress is better than no
progress at all. I am writing this because I feel very passionate about this
topic especially given the breakthrough we as women are making one new
statistic and news article at a time!
A success
story and inspiration for all us women is Megyn Kelly. Her book, SETTLE FOR
MORE exemplifies International Women’s Day. Every page I read permeated with
testosterone although it was actually written by a woman. SETTLE FOR MORE set
the stage for the premise of her book. I have never read a book where the
author's title was used to define the content of their story. In every chapter,
Megyn made sure to fully explain how she began to settle for more and how each
instance that occurred in her life she remembered to implement her settle
for more mentality. She even orchestrated the book to guide others to
improve their lives and how they can settle for more in order to make their
dreams come true. Memoirs have been my choice of genre for quite some time but
I have never encountered a read like this one. I felt like this non-fiction
book encompasses many different genres all rolled into one: autobiography,
memoir and a self-help book. It is a diamond in a sea of overflowing cubic
zirconia. It is like rummaging through a huge pile of Prada knockoffs on Canal
Street and getting to the bottom to find yourself gleaming at the only
authentic Prada.
Megyn Kelly ended up conquering the male dominated field of law. She worked tirelessly through law school paying her way with odd jobs to become one of the most prominent attorneys in New York. She nailed her first junior associate position at Bickel & Brewer in Chicago. Her initial salary was a whopping $85,000. I don’t know if Megyn did this intentionally, but her style of writing implied that she was determined to rise above adversity and become a powerful attorney in a male conquered field. Here’s an excerpt in her book where she directly touches upon working with mostly male lawyers: Pg. 101-102. “Your ego gets tied to being a lawyer. Mine was. I thought it was the only way to be taken seriously, especially by powerful men. The people I dealt with all day-judges, my bosses, clients-were almost all men…My legal training gave me several skills, but knowing how to handle men in positions in authority was easily one of the most valuable…I endeared myself to them by working incessantly and by figuring out what made each of them tick…Everyday is fraught with peril. When I started out in law, I felt insecure and was angered by these guys. I’d play into stereotypes about ‘hysterical’ women.”
It's a good thing that she underwent these challenges in order to develop a thick skin as she described it because towards the end of the book her strength was tested once she struck fame - a price to pay for being in the spotlight. Anyone that watches the news knows all about her Year of Trump and the sexual harassment scandal of the late Roger Ailes, (the two monumental stressful events she underwent) as she phrased it, she thought she was reporting the news not in the news. She sets the record straight to all the haters not agreeing with her and tells her side of the story of how she felt her actions were justified (all public information that caused national attention). A lot of her book touches upon issues women face in the work place from sexual harassment (Roger Ailes), motherhood and the stigma attached to working mothers. She goes into explicit detail of how she feels there needs to be more support for women when they go on maternity leave and what other women should do if faced with sexual harassment themselves. She believes that America does not provide enough time and are not supportive enough of women employees working and raising children - she opens up on how she felt about when she had her three children. She was afraid that her superiors would not be happy that she had an increasing family and took hiatuses to go on maternity leave - she was afraid that the show would take off without her and not want her back. That is what I loved most about this book and about Megyn Kelly - she bares her soul by chronicling her personal experiences in such a way that is raw and thought provoking. She writes it in such a fashion as if she is an average person and not a nationally, critically acclaimed celebrity. She strips herself of all the photo ops you see of her at cocktail parties, the makeup, hair and lights.. you get to know what she is like underneath it all which is: harboring the same fears, insecurities like the average person and how she learned to conquer them and how we can too, and for that my respect and love for her just kept growing and growing throughout the book. She explicitly delves into her personal life as being a working mother and making more money than her husband does as well as her familial beliefs. She adds in how she cherishes her roots and at the end of the day when all is said and done it doesn't matter if her career tanks because she has a loving family that she adores and is grateful to have - another anecdotal quality she emphasizes in order for you to understand that she is not all about glitz & glamour - quite the contrary, she is humble and knows love from family will always prevail over materialism and praise as a result of being a workaholic. Megyn pours her emotions on every page about how important it is for her to find time to balance being a 'career mom' by excelling in her dream job and equally being there for her husband and kids. She ties this in to debates she helped debunk and crusades she had to fight with other public figures to prove them wrong on air (men's perspective on motherhood, etc.) - anyone that watches her reporting has seen it. She always makes sure to reiterate how she fights for what she believes in and refuses to be kicked to the ground, hence settle for more. She even makes sure to set the record straight that although she doesn't agree with some boisterous people who say insane and immoral things, she believes in the power of the first amendment and feels that Americans should feel free to exercise their right to use it - that's what she's defending, not the actual psychobabble itself.
She self discloses her aversion to the word "feminist" and why she doesn't want to be put in that category- I found that quite unique as well. She commends Dr. Phil and Oprah for being her inspirations that also influenced her to develop this attitude.
It is no surprise that this woman is one of Fortune's Most
Powerful Women and Time magazine voted her as one of the 100 Most Influential
People in the World.
She ended up learning how to handle the intimidation and years later grew tired of it. She also grew tired of law itself. After nine years of being a litigator she realized she hated the profession. She was working 18 hour days and had no time to breathe. She ended up becoming so run down and exhausted that she describes it by saying “her mind felt disconnected from her own body.” She had slaved seven years for a profession that although provided her a comfortable standard of living, she couldn’t enjoy it because she felt suffocated. She also details how her dream was always to be a journalist and envied other reporters when she would watch them on television. She was about to make partner at Jones Day when she realized she had to bolt out of law; she was a shell of herself. Everyone around her was shocked. She was so good at what she did, in her book someone referred to law as being “her highest calling.” She didn’t care though. She was so miserable that she felt it was worth losing all that money so she could start living again. Megyn ended up deciding she would pursue her lifelong dream of becoming a reporter. Let’s just say with determination and hard work the universe granted her entrance into the world of news. She didn’t realize until later that it wasn’t only her passion to go into journalism but discovered she had an innate talent. Even though Megyn Kelly took a major pay cut by starting a whole new trade, she said it was worth it because she had her life back and she loved it; it was everything she dreamt it to be. She also took a risk by leaving such a thriving career in order to begin a new profession that she didn’t know would takeoff. Here is an article that is a snippet of her claim to fame: Megyn Kelly is the Rosie Riveter of Women's Empowerment.
It was serendipitous that I finished her book just in time for International Women's Day. I had no idea that this book would be apropos to include on this honorary day. It was almost as if Megyn Kelly wrote this for this holiday too which is ironic because she wouldn't of done so due to her distaste of feminism. She might write a lot that insinuates issues feminists crusade over but that's only because as a woman she has no choice since she is in fact born a 'woman' and as a result of excelling in her career, from no fault of her own and involuntarily, she received backlash from men in order to strive to break through the glass ceiling - the price to pay when you're brought in to this world as the female sex. She emphasizes the great strides and improvements the work place is in so far, what she has experienced firsthand and even offers sound advice about what she feels needs to be changed to help protect female employees regarding sexual harassment (she hit all the main points & incentive of what International Women's Day stands for). However I speak for myself because like I said before Megyn Kelly wouldn't classify her memoir under the same subject as "feminist" rights/issues since she lawfully objects to being in a "box" labeled feminism and other like terms. She wrote her story in such a way where it emitted inspiration ubiquitously. like I said this book is chock full of inspiration all around. But how could it not hit home for me? I just finished a ground breaking memoir detailing what is going on with many issues today, a great chunk of it coinciding with the whole incentive of what International Women's Day is about told from a woman whose incentive is also to reveal the issue(s) women are still facing presently (as well as being in the center of it all). How could I not hear bells go off as this holiday approaches us? Especially since I am also a female who aspires to excel in her career and also refuses to be kicked to the ground and depleted of my self worth?
As if you can’t tell by now it is hard for me to control my enthusiasm. I could quote this whole book and never stop expressing my admiration and awe at such an incredible woman. I just have to insert this last quote that also left a lasting impression on me. The balls this woman had to demand the salary she wanted and not be afraid to risk losing a whole new job floored me. I hope I could gain this attitude she has. I wonder how long it took her to adopt such a sure way of thinking, or did she always knew her worth once she began law school?
This part of the book is after she got her interview at Fox and the agent she hired was dissuading her from demanding the salary she knew she deserves, hence the name of her book, SETTLE FOR MORE. I will leave you with this. Then please read the book yourself. Pg 123-124: “Now that I had an offer, it was no problem finding an agent. I told him the number at which I wanted to begin. It wasn’t a big number-after all, I had only been a journalist for less than a year. But it was respectable for someone with nine years of legal experience under her belt. The job wasn’t about the money for me, but I knew what I was worth. The agent told me I’d never get it. ‘Just ask,’ I said. ‘A million girls would kill for this job,’ he said dismissively. ‘Just take what they’re offering.’ Well. As you might imagine, that pissed me off. I wasn’t a girl, first of all. And I wasn’t like a million others. This wasn’t some casting-couch moment where the ingĂ©nue is given a chance she has no business getting. I’d been a high powered lawyer for a decade, on my feet arguing in front of juries and some of the best and brightest and sharpest judges in the country. I’d also spent ten years working harder than just about anyone else they could be considering-an ethic I would clearly bring with me. ‘Demand more.’ I told him. ‘You’re going to lose this offer,’ he said. ‘Do it,’ I said. ‘If I lose it, I lose it.’ Sure enough, Fox paid the number I requested. It’s not a bad lesson for young people starting out; trust your instincts. Sometimes even those who are supposed to be looking out for you can underestimate your value. Often you are your own best advocate. I wound up firing the agent right after I started.” Applause, applause, Megyn Kelly.
Her first break reporting for a local news station ended up catapulting her to becoming a household name. If you didn’t read her book I suggest you do, it is a life changer. My genre of choice has been memoirs and I have read my fair share before hers but nothing that struck a chord in me until I read this one - I will never forget it. If this memoir doesn’t motivate you to chase your dreams and aspirations, I don’t know what will. Bravo Megyn Kelly. You are a paragon of women empowerment (meant in a non-feminist way).