My Best Mistakes

For as long as I can remember I regretted decisions I made in my earlier life. Then as the years passed, it became a laundry list. All different mistakes I knew I made and regretted.  As I grew older to my adulthood up until recently, I beat myself up over it because I thought at this time I would have accomplished much more in life if I chose a different route instead of the one I ended up choosing. Psychologists say it is not a good idea to ruminate but I couldn't help it; I am very analytical, psychological & could even lead a Over Thinkers Anonymous Group!  It got worse over the past year because a lot of issues arose in my life, and I couldn't help but think to myself if I did not ruin my chances with that person, or went down a different road with a career, I would not be faced with all these dilemmas I am in now. In essence, I was verbally abusing myself. I am my own worst enemy. Looking back in retrospect, I realized that every situation I was faced with regarding my boss, friends, places I chose to live & live with, and even  people I dated was my own fault.  I grew so angry & furious and placed the blame on them and the situation I was in that I finally realized that everything is my fault! No one forced me or even asked me to work at my last job, make the decision to move in to that apartment with soulless roommates or tell me to be friends and surround myself with the circle I was in, or even allow myself to be treated poorly by the guys I have dated in my past. After realizing this, I felt better knowing that since it was all my fault and my decision that the anger I originally had felt & how annoyed I was began to diminish. I have no one to blame but myself. There are many people that do not realize this, they place blame on others and get so mad that they are treated unfairly like I used to think, when in reality your current situation is the result of your actions, decisions & choices you have made in in your life. 

After coming to terms with that realization, it made me think of what the reason for mistakes are. Why do we make them? It took me a while to come up with an answer until it finally dawned on me that if we do not make mistakes in life, how else are we supposed to learn?  It is similar to trying to learn a new skill and struggling to master it, until you practiced so much that you finally learned how to perfect it! That is what mistakes serve as. We make mistakes in life in order to make the right choices when we are presented with them. When we are confronted with the same situation that we knew we shouldn't of made, we know not to do it again: 

The is one of my favorite quotes written by Paulo Coelho. It couldn't of been said better if anyone tried. I have finally let go of my regrets and mistakes I have made.  I have finally reached peace and happiness after discovering the true meaning of mistakes.  I know there will be new opportunities and other doors that will open.  I think that if something did not work out, it was just not meant to be. Things that are meant to be in life will somehow find its way to you. I am looking forward to what the future holds and I have now learned how to make peace with my past.  I have turned my regrets into a positive light by learning all of those lesson & not to repeat those mistakes again. It is a very serene, tranquil feeling that I finally reached and I hope other people (could) feel the same way I do. One door closes and another opens.