Babies R Us???

I feel like we now live in a world where having a baby is like purchasing an item from Best Buy. Did you get your warranty and save your receipt in case you would like to return your purchase? Because that is how I feel people think about these days about having babies.  These people can't even financially afford to have a child let alone be in the right mindset to give a child a proper upbringing. Some of them are barely in a stable relationship! It's like babies having babies. I understand that we are in a dawn of a new era where couples are now cohabiting & having children out of wedlock and that is up to them but I feel men & women think that having a child is no big deal, that it is not life changing and that you don't have to be prepared for it the rest of your life. Also, once you procreate with a man/woman you are tied to them forever, it is not like you could split things down the middle and sell or give your house, car & other possessions to your ex and wash your hands clean of them. Couples are even treating the pets they had together like children & battling it out in court for custody!  Also speaking from an evolutionary standpoint, wouldn't you want to assess if the man is good father material i.e. would provide your kids with a proper upbringing and make a good partner? I know that when I initially go out on a date with someone new those are things I think about in the back of my mind starting with his family background and then how he is in general. 

I once had a friend who came from a wealthy, Jewish upbringing and we were the same age and she expressed to me how she would love to be a mother. Well, she suffered from depression, she didn't have much of a relationship with the man she was dating i.e. they fought all of the time, i.e. her mostly likely seed guy a.k.a. victim! In a nutshell it was a toxic relationship and she worked a menial job as a hair stylist but with her daddy's pot of gold she could swing it. Well a few months later, lo & behold she called me to tell me she was pregnant! At first I did not believe her because she speaks mainly in a sarcastic and somewhat surly manner but it was true! Her boyfriend did impregnate her. I definitely thought she did this on the sly but she swore up and down that it was not planned. I am more inclined to believe that pigs fly than believe her. Her boyfriend even called me and confided to me that he was very upset about it and did not have any intentions of having a child with her yet. They were merely dating and most of their relationship for the short amount of time so far mainly consisted of drinking, having lots of sex & arguing all in her father's mansion in Larchmont, NY that he left to her mother: Her parents were divorced but her mother was mostly never home; she spent most of her time in the house they had in Boca Raton. Anyway, he was VERY shaken up and upset and he told me she must've tampered with the protection they used so she could have her baby. He said they thought about one day down the road having a child together once his construction business lifted off the ground and mind you they were still in the in the beginning stages of dating, so he said they agreed maybe in about 2 years they would plan something indelible & life changing like this. This subsequently led to her giving birth to a boy and of course they split and she ended up moving to Florida to join her family in raising her son as a single mother. Are you surprised? She even inherited her late grandmother's estate let alone the money to afford all other expenses to accommodate a South Beach luxurious way of living. Needless to say, her hairstylist gig is good enough for her to survive on! 

He on the other hand, stayed in Westchester because his business was there and his parents lived there. Her mother is over the moon that she is now a grandmother especially since my former friend is the only child. From all appearances on social media she and her mother look like they are blissfully happy raising the child with virtually no father and a single mother. The child is being showered in opulence since his single mother could afford all of this. 

Now this is an extreme example. But in general I see young mothers all around me that are in their early 20's who are already having kids. These unwed mothers still have not finished school yet and do not have a financially stable career to raise children but yet they do. One young girl told me that I was doing "things the right way" because I told her I need to get my career off the ground before I even dream of becoming a mother. Another woman I know who is 52 years old has 3 kids all around my age from a few different boyfriends and I said, "wow you had kids young!" Well she replied as if it was like buying a doll and said, "I always wanted kids so why not get an early start." These girls and guys are not only having them with one person either! They are bona fide baby mamas and baby daddys! They have them with various partners and think nothing of it, as if deciding to have children with someone isn't an indelible & permanent decision that won't alter the rest of your life forever.  This decision should be well planned & calculated & not made on a whim and acted upon your feelings: This will completely alter the course of events in your future that could either bring you the most joy or pain and there is no going back. Not only that, but this takes a toll on your children's lives as well, children are innocent and if you don't give them the proper upbringing they will also be permanently scarred. 

I feel like I am the only one that thinks having children is a HUGE step and I need a lot set in place before I even dream of this. I would love to be a mother as much as the next girl but I need a stable career and I want to be married first before I have children, that means a lot to me personally. 

   

MAN-UP!!!!!!

I recently saw a documentary on Netflix about the dilemma young boys in school are facing now regarding gender roles. It was based on how boys are expected never to show emotion & never cry and they should act tough like a "real man." I am NOT referring to that kind of Man-Up! This is MY definition of what Man-Up is:

Now that I have reached my 30's I am starting to see dating from a different perspective. I could only speak for myself when I say this but I feel like most guys in my age group are "man boys." Personally speaking, I myself don't feel that mature but when I  converse with other guys my age I feel like I am talking to a college frat boy. It's like a little boy in a man's body. A lot of them are still drinking, partying, they text in a juvenile manner like I have reverted to my college days & when I meet most of them they act immature. I find this to be a complete turn off. I recently met a litigator from Hoboken who told me he had only conversed with his past girlfriends through texting. He was a nice guy and all, he was chivalrous and took me to dinner at the Cornell Club, but while I was speaking to him he was so childish that if felt like I should get paid to babysit him. He still lives like a frat boy with drinking & partying several nights a week after work along with commenting on how hot each girl is that walks by at a party. He even boasted to me about how he got such a hot girl's phone number and even proceeded to show me what she looked like in a bikini on her Facebook. I don't see how other women my age would not agree when I say this but it seems to work for these "men." I know there are definitely a few of them that want to settle down & start a family but maybe they feel like since they are physically a man and they have no biological clock like us women do they feel like they have forever to plant their seed? I get that men could reproduce even when they have one foot in the grave but do you (guys) really want to be over 60 years old in a wheel chair hooked up to a ventilator when you see your kids graduate from high school?  Don't you want to be young enough & feel like you still have the zest & energy to play with your kids & keep up with their peppiness when they are children? Ok, I admit I maybe exaggerating this rant just a LITTLE bit!!! I would love to get another woman's opinion to see if she agrees with me. I am only speaking for the manboys who DO want these things down the road of course. I also don't understand how they're not tired by now of going on all night drinking benders, sleeping around like they are still in college and acting like a toddler! I know there are plenty of men my age that  are already married and I know it was a different generation back then but most of our parents have matured & been married with a family by now.

There is nothing hotter than a man who knows what he wants & knows what he is looking for. I would think that at this point in his life age would do this to him.  Males my age have had enough experience (s) in our youth (our 20's) to test out and sample what he likes & doesn't like!  We're too old to play games and appear desperate! If you like the girl let her know and don't be afraid to show it. Assertiveness and determination will always be hot in my book and we are not getting any younger!!!

All women & MEN SHOULD READ THIS TOO!!!

This is evolution like an animal in the wilderness hunting their prey. Men are naturally born hunters & pursuers to actively do the work a.ka. "hunting" in order to win the woman over, it is programmed in their DNA. Any male that does not agree with me really needs to MAN-UP!!!!

How risky is too risky?

Optimists always say you have to take a risk in order to succeed in life, but where do we draw the line? How much of a risk is it until it becomes so much of a gamble where we could (and some do) potentially lose everything they had once had & were better off where they were beforehand? I am mainly referring to taking risk (s) in business and career & job changes. I once heard someone on YouTube say that he was so unhappy with his job that he decided to quit and travel the world. But let's be realistic here: How many people could afford to do such a thing? He said we should be doing a job (career) that we love and if you are not one of those people you should find something else that makes you happy. But come on, that sounds totally unrealistic. How many people could afford to give up a job where it is their way of survival because they are unsatisfied with what they are doing? How many people could afford to take the risk financially to start a business with hopes of becoming an entrepreneur and make a financial windfall? They spend all their money they have saved most of their entire life to start a new business without knowing if it'll take off and be worth millions OR go totally bankrupt & they will become flat broke over it. Do I sound negative here or realistic? Because I am not trying to come off that way, I am trying to sound realistic. I feel like people saying, "you have to take a risk" has to be put in perspective & within a certain extent. This phrase and optimistic way of living is too much in black and white, there needs to be a happy medium. I don't know about you, but I have had many unpleasant and unsatisfying jobs but I can't just pick up & quit until I find one that my heart desires. You know why? I CAN'T AFFORD TO!!!! The job (s) I have had (have) put a roof over my head and food on the table. If how you make ends meet wasn't part of this equation, then yes I would say go for it. But to just easily say find something that makes you happy, quit a job, embark in a new industry, spend all your $ on a new business venture with the risk of losing everything ($) I think is too much. Unless you are Ivanka Trump and could invest in any business venture (s) your heart desires from dipping in daddy's pot of gold then I would say this is more of a pipe dream.
 I would love to get another person's opinion who is walking in the same shoes as me who makes their own money and doesn't have income or help from other places. What do you think?

Happy May!!!!!!

I was wrong, I did not wake up & smell the proverbial coffee, I WAS COMATOSE!!!!! What took me so long, 7 years in fact to wake up from a long term sleep and realize I should've become proactive back then?! I guess they say better late than never and fortunately I still am young enough to make things right and live a happy & fulfilling life. Since a year ago today, I self reflected on how much has changed in my life. If I didn't shake things up a bit & change my life to my benefit I would still be in the same hole I dug myself in for so long.... I went through a lot of struggles, stress, aggravation and felt like I couldn't breathe in order to get to the point of where I am today. I knew that it was inevitable that everything would change around me anyway and if I didn't become the driving force in orchestrating the changes then life would change for me, hence my previous blog entry titled, "Uncomfortable Comfort Zones." If you ask me if it was worth going through such turmoil to get to a healthier new chapter of my life, the answer without thinking is "YES!" Don't get me wrong, I still have not made it to where I wish I would be today but I am sure happy with the progress I have made so far and know that it is a much better step than before.  I deserve to be happy just like the next girl and I want the piece of the pie too. 
"I am not where I want to be but thank G-d I am not where I used to be."

I am a firm believer that when a door slams shut in your face keep it shut! There are so many new doors to open! So open a new door!!!

I know everyday is Mother's Day, but this past one made me appreciate what I have in my life that I should always cherish and appreciate. I feel very different this holiday when I reunited with my mother to celebrate her holiday and I felt much better about myself and the relationship I have with her. I always say that she drives me crazier than I already am but at the same time I could not imagine my life without her. As the old saying goes: "Can't live with her or without her."