Independence is the Most Natural Drug

What is more fulfilling and self-satisfying then knowing you saved yourself in your own bind (s) and earned everything yourself? Checking how large in size your bank account is getting and spending your hard earned money knowing that you made it from your own hard work and not depending on anyone to have given that to you??  From your spacious residence to delicious food and shopping sprees? Speaking from a woman's perspective no matter how tough my life may get, knowing I have made all my income myself and spending it freely on what I want is the most satisfying & gratifying feeling in the world......Not depending on anyone especially a man by feeling like a kid begging mommy or daddy for a few bucks to buy some ice cream.....Feeling so independent & self assured in the sense knowing that you could pick up and leave when you want without worrying how you will be supported...No threats/ultimatums exist in this life because you could tell someone to go f*&k off and not look back!!! You call the shots on your own life and what you want to do without feeling like you've been grounded and proverbially emasculated..Any woman that doesn't agree with me or could relate at all to what I am saying..All I have to say is that I feel sorry for you and I hope you enjoy living in your bubble but I hate to be the one to tell you this but one day it will pop! It's inevitable sweetie.  And any man that is not seeking this major intrinsic quality in a woman nor finds it highly appealing is either a manboy or he is jealous and possessive and wants to control his wife by keeping her on a leash with his finances...

My 2 major long term outcomes: 

I'll say it over & over until I am blue in the face: Your classroom where you actually learn is out in the "real world". There's only so much teachers/professors could lecture you on until you actually go out into this real, cruel world and experience life for yourself. That's where you will learn everything you need to & much more than the profession you are trying to master. Read my previous blog entry, Mind Over Matter and you'll understand what lessons outside of school I am referring to through my eyes...Let's refer to them as "life lessons".  I can't take full credit to seeing life from this perspective. Whether you want to admit it or not you are also shaped by your upbringing. That old theory Nature vs. Nurture I think should not be one sided/either or, I believe it is Nature AND Nurture. The main reason why I think in this light is because of what/who shaped my ideals/beliefs from my own perspective which is my mother. Through my mindset I was born with and what I witnessed from my upbringing, my mother takes full credit for.  In retrospect, I subconsciously learned through her mistakes. She was raised in a small household where her parents were apathetic. People like this make me question why they bother to have any children if they are not interested in partaking in their whole life...Anyway to get back to my point, her father did not value education to any degree and he himself with very little education (if any) went off into a blue collar trade as a pawnbroker.  My mom comes from the baby boomer generation and back then when she went to high school they had more than one high school diploma to choose from. She chose the commercial diploma which entailed being trained on becoming a secretary.  Her father instilled in her what he had learned which was to go right off to work after she graduates from high school, she is not "college material". So in high school After graduating with her commercial high school diploma and mastering the art of learning how to use the typewriter (before the dawn of computers) she worked assiduously within various industries/companies as a secretary, and she flourished. Any type of industry in New York... you name it she has worked there. From engineering, accounting, publishing and the list goes on....During this time she had the dream of marrying the man of her dreams, settling down with the white picket fence and raising children...The American Dream...She aspired to be a housewife/homemaker while her husband went out to bring home the bacon a.k.a. breadwinner, sole provider. My mother also dated very successful white collar men from engineers to C.P.A.'s and architects.. I don't mean this in a superficial way on my mother's part. Believe me, I know being a mother is a thankless job!!! My mom's strong desire was to fall in love & be an amazing mother/wife and pour her heart & soul to this role as if this was an actual profession...And she did/does a great job!!! She put the way her parent's raised her to shame. Her parents were so apathetic and from my memories of them you would only hear from them if they needed a favor from my mom. My mom is the complete antithesis of them and could be a little too overprotective but hey, like I always say there are no happy mediums in life, at least she shows she cares! She never imagined that it wouldn't work out and she might end up being divorced while not having a job or her own income to speak of. My mom fears change and avoids it like the plague and although my mom saw the writing on the wall from the start that she married a monster, she still didn't put the metal to the pedal to become self-sufficient in any way....She has a very uncanny and inhuman way of getting comfortable in very toxic situations such as this marriage and never dreamt that her marriage would ever end....She was right for the most part. My father never would've left if he didn't find anyone as slimy like himself to run off with until 20 years later he finally did. My poor excuse of a father finally found his sleazy ticket out by running off with a floozy/prostitute 26 years his junior. My mother shouldn't be made to feel punished just because she has poor taste in men. 

The moral of my story is that I learned through her mistakes/life experience (s) to not depend on a man even if he is a decent human being and great model husband and father to his children. This was all buried deep down in my subconscious because I do not remember this being the main incentive as to why I chose to excel in a career. It feels like I have discovered this being the leading force through hypnosis, but instead of being hypnotized it was through my own personal experiences & upbringing....proverbial hypnosis!!!  I myself fell into this slump of being dependent with many years of school and degrees under my belt until I finally woke up...I honestly couldn't take being in a toxic environment anymore and knew that it was inevitable that it would finally come to an end. I needed to be thrown in a smaller snippet of what my mom went through to personally know what it felt like. The only difference was I strived hard to attain 2 degrees and somehow fell asleep along the way! I always admire about my mother that she is able to adjust herself in a very toxic situation/environment. That could be good or bad. I envy that about her because I am the opposite of her and I am my own worst enemy. If I do not like something, I will put myself through living hell and torture myself. At least my mom is kinder to herself and doesn't make her life harder than it has to be. But like I always say, any extreme isn't good...I dedicate this entry to my mother....Thank you mom....