Energy is everything

Everything is energy and we are energy. I don't think many people know how energy plays a major role, if not the whole role in everything around us: the planet, air we breathe, trees, plants, animals, people and a million other things. This whole universe and everything around us is built on energy. We as human beings are in control of our life and we are subconsciously responsible for how our circumstances and events play out in our current situation/life. I never knew deep down how energy, vibes and thoughts are so powerful until I scratched beneath the surface and found out. After all of these years of many different friends I have and had made along the way as well as feeling the vibes of my surroundings, I now know vibes is the most powerful force you can't deny and the universe is responding to your thoughts and actions, not the other way around. As soon as I relocated out of the suburbs into NYC, the energy was impalpable: NYC life is so energetic and I feel such a positive and upbeat vibe. Everyone is out all hours of the day/night, people are much friendlier, all I have to do is just look outside or walk around outside and I could feel the never ending electricity! It is amazing! I now realize this after spending most of my life in the suburbs: There was zero energy, it's very dull and it puts you in a non-energetic/dispiriting mood and way of being. 

"Your vibe attracts your tribe." I heard this saying recently after reading on this topic, and now it makes complete sense to me! Everyone around you gives off vibes, it is the very first thing they present to you when you are around them, it is undeniable; like I said this whole universe consists of energy and vibes. I now fully understand how I got involved in relationships platonic or otherwise that were so unhealthy for me! It is almost as if I am staring into the mirror and seeing my reflection in front of me: Those were the vibes I was sending out into the universe and as a result of this, it attracted negative, ungrateful, hateful people to me.  I feel like it is as if I went fishing and I caught the most sour and nasty of all fish in the sea! Needless to say, the light bulb in my head (my epiphany) went off and shouted in a bright yellow light: "Dara, you are also ungrateful, miserable, spiteful and full of anger!" 

My proverbial yellow light flashed when I reached my later 20's. I took a step back and did inventory on all of the people I befriended and had any kind of relationship with (mostly friendships,) which subsequently led to a very scary, frightening, sickening & very bitter ending with these group of homely "women" that I met towards the end of my 20's. I was overweight at the time, I was very unhappy and did not feel much to any gratitude as to what I had in my life. Honestly, I did not really know what gratitude really meant besides the fact that you say thank you when people hold doors for you and buy you things (presents, take you out to restaurants, etc..)  Of course I was grateful for the love & support of my family but not in the full sense of the word. I was still harboring a lot of negativity and resentment for both my parents and everything else that transpired in my life.  As previously stated, at that point in my life I had no idea what gratitude really meant until I woke up and smelled the coffee (literally & figuratively!) Studying the ancient practice of gratitude subsequently led to my great awakening.  

After my great awakening, I now realize that my vibes were never set right, but were in the complete WRONG DIRECTION at the time I was battling my weight issues: The group of homely, morose women I was referring to were also unkempt and corpulent who came from over privileged backgrounds. Two of which were sisters, and the others were mutual friends.  These two sisters I was the closest to and the ones who play the catalysts in my awakening. They were very surly & envious of each other and every one around them, they were also very big instigators and took great joy in making other people's lives miserable. Needless to say, these two had a very toxic relationship from childhood. The younger sister was the one that was my supposed "best friend."   I met her older sister first and she was the one who introduced me to her. In hindsight, I should've realized that what resulted 2.5 years later was right in front of my face: She said very mean things about her friends & even her other best friend behind her back, she even bluntly requested me not to be her sister's friend anymore.  She said the most sweetest and uplifting things to me all the time and I spoke to her nearly every day on the phone, we would say we were sisters, and when she met her future husband she even asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.  This might sound like a normal situation for a future bride-to-be to ask of one of her best friends, but remember I am not reflecting on a normal and healthy friendship, the events that took place afterwards was of course highly dysfunctional. She emphasized to me repeatedly that she wished I could have been her maid of honor, because like always, she was fighting constantly over her "wedding planning" with her sister and mother. Why she couldn't tell her sister she can't stand her and have me be her maid of honor the way she expressed to me on the phone, we'll never know.  They were very vital issues such as what kind of gifts her guests at her bridal shower should receive.  Should they receive cute, little key chains,  compact mirrors, picture frames, or soap? "My sister lied to my friend and told her that I wanted it to be Jordan Almonds! I never said that! She's always causing trouble for me!" As luck would have it, guess what? Her bridal shower gift was...you guessed it!.... JORDAN ALMONDS!!! Surprise!  This is just one example of a MILLION others of  what I tortured myself  being involved in for 2.5 years! 

Everything came to a head a year after her wedding. I finally couldn't take those nasty comments she made about others  including little children of people her or I knew on Facebook. After I expressed this to her on the phone in a very angry manner, she spewed out the most nasty, demeaning, hateful comments anyone, not only a "best friend" had ever made to me.  I knew all that garbage she said to me wasn't the first time, it was just the first time she said it to my face.  I should have blocked her number after that, but instead, I let her drag me down to her deep, dark, sadistic and heinous mind. It became a full on war between nasty text messages back and forth. We even harassed each other via email with words I do not want to repeat or imagine someone could wish for me, never mind a "best friend." I felt possessed, and in response to those emails, I became a monster like her. I now regret going down to her level and letting her turn me into a horrible human being that I am not. If I could go back in time, I would have just blocked her number right away and moved on. I never said things like that to anyone before until I met this monster. I now know what an idiot I was for staying involved in this family for so long. Of course, if she was talking behind her friends' backs of people she knew years longer than me, then she was obviously just as brutal about what she had to say behind my back.  Even after I repeatedly begged her not to get me involved in her family issues, she would not stop.  She kept bothering me as if I were another relative of hers. Now I laugh to myself about this! Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, it all comes together: I was a mess, disheveled and overweight just like them! No wonder that was the vibe I sent out and the people that responded to it! This is a paramount example of the message to you that I feel so strongly to convey in this blog entry.  

As of recently, I felt I had to clean out my closet so to speak, I like to call it "spring cleaning."  What I mean is, I realized that the people I was immersing myself with were  also a big ball of negative energy, the way a vacuum cleaner sucks the crumbs off of a carpet.  I like to call them "energy depleters" or "energy suckers."  Almost as if these other friends were suffocating the life out of me.  It is not because they are bad people or mean, it is because they are very unhappy and miserable in their life.  One woman stands out in my mind the most, because I know she is a nice person and I really liked her up until the point I couldn't take her negativity anymore.  Every time I would speak to her, it was as if she was slowly stabbing me to death.  She repeatedly expressed to me how unhappy she is that she still hasn't met her soulmate and probably never will. She has a very opulent and luxurious lifestyle mostly due to her father who was a doctor. Her father left her with such a comfortable lifestyle that affords her and her mother the luxury to travel all around the world going on cruises and jet setting to countries such as Europe. Her mother also has a timeshare in Florida where she also lives in and she is free to fly back and forth from New York to a posh life in Miami Beach whenever she is getting "tired" of living in New York. She doesn't express all of this to me in a snobby, entitled way of course, instead she tells me all of this in a depressed manner not even realizing how grateful she should feel to have such luxury in her life that the average person does not possess: She doesn't have to worry about finances (understatement of the century) or any debilitating health issues. If she was grateful then she would not be so unhappy and constantly complain. I met her through mutual friends who also have the same vibe as her and come from similar opulent, over privileged backgrounds in NYC. The families of the friend's I am referring to are doctors, bankers and some of them grew up in the Jersey Shore and Madison Avenue. Their parents did not give them much to worry about monetarily speaking (another understatement.) They still overly provide for them even after being a 30 something year old adult, most of which many people do not ever receive even as children. Their wealthy parents offer them a never ending life of accommodation & splendor, some of which consist of  living in a spacious, one bedroom apartment in a luxury building located in Stuyvesant Town and provide for them much more than what their salaries allow them to survive in NYC.  They live in a bubble and don't even realize this! That is how far lost in space they are! 

 Initially, I was flattered that they let me join them in their "circle" of friends until I finally snapped out of it a few years later after I realized it was not much of a compliment!!!  These group of people I hung out with and run into, I now realize might be nice in the beginning, but they are very strange, peculiar, flaky, negative, exhibit major social issues and much more if you scratch beneath the surface. They are also very negative and take their negativity out on me when they are in a bad mood. 

I still laugh to myself because I occasionally run into these people at parties in the city. As of recently, I saw them at a party along with another anti-social & odd friend that updated me with his plans of applying to universities to obtain a PHD while living in a college dormitory at 33 years old! They were all surrounding me as a reminder of the bad energy that followed me in the past! It was all in front of my face and I finally saw them for what they really are! Since I became more attuned with the vibes around me, their energy was impalpable.  "Dara finally snapped out of it! Hooray :)"  (Speaking in the third person.)

 No one should be friends with anyone that doesn't serve them. I feel much better now that I severed ties with them. Although like I had said, they were nice to me and tried to be a good friend at the time.  However, for my own peace of mind and desire to live a very happy life, I need to move on and work on myself in order to attract happy, grateful people that I now strive to be like. I feel the utmost level of gratitude that I incorporate in my everyday life and as a result, the world around me is already changing for the better! 

  I am not writing this entry in a malicious way, it is to serve as a reflection of my own self. After this recent realization, I am very attuned to the energy I am sending out to the universe: I got rid of the negative energy around me and along with gratitude, I think of my life in a  positive, happy way. I am now subconsciously doing my best to send out positive vibes to receive that in return. In order to meet the people, romantic partners, friends and the like that you desire to attract, you have to first act like that yourself. 

 I have such a heightened intuition now that it feels more like a sixth sense. I now walk into a room and sense everyone's vibes and I feel their feelings permeating around me. I go to these classy lounges and I see these wealthy, successful, white collar professionals mostly in the financial sector (bankers, analysts, etc...) looking fresh and glowing; they're wearing these beautiful suits, mostly blazers, white buttoned down shirts and they finish it off with pants and fancy shoes (there must've been a memo passed around here in NYC to all the finance guys to dress in this attire.)  It's a beautiful look, what woman or should I say, anyone would not be impressed with this "financial uniform?!" I notice now that the pocket scarf is a newly added accessory to this look! Unless I never noticed it before!   

However,  I could sense that all of this is all smoke & mirrors.  One experience in particular where I had the pleasure of meeting one of these types of men that I am describing above stands out in my mind:   

 I met this one investment banker at a social function on a rooftop in Turtle Bay. As soon as I noticed him and we locked eyes with each other, I was immediately impressed with how he looked: He was so fresh, he looked rested, in a beautifully polished suit & tie, holding a glass of Pinot Noir. He did not look like he just finished slaving  hours that day at a bank. We then proceeded to introduce ourselves which led to him asking me out for a drink followed by him handing me his business card. We also exchanged numbers. As soon as I looked at his business card, I couldn't help but think to myself, "who wouldn't be impressed?!"  So, like most people these days tend to do thanks to the internet, I go online and look up the bank he works at and I see his biography along with his picture. Listed below are all of his major accomplishments: his degree he received, his financial certifications and the high position that he possesses that obviously took many years of climbing the corporate ladder to reach.  His first photo shows him looking all spiffy in a suit, tie and even adds a scarf to complete this idyllic image of the charmed life that many arduous years of ambition provides for a yuppie. In another professional picture of his, he is sitting at his desk that appears to be a selfie smoking a cigar! Wow! As an outsider looking in, he looks very content and happy with himself.

If I never met him in person first I wouldn't of had any idea that this guy appeared to have any stress and hardship to attain this level of financial success.  We never did re-connect after that and I've seen him several times since. The last time I ran into him was in the winter time at a sports bar. I could feel his unhappiness permeating the room. His vibes did not match up with his shiny exterior. I was very happy to see him and I said hi, but I no longer got that same reaction in return: He was no longer friendly towards me. He gave me a brief hug which felt more out of obligation along with acting stoic towards me and that was where it ended.  Later on, I saw him sitting at the booth next to me with a group of people, and I as I saw him pass me by to buy his friends drinks, his gloomy, stressed vibes were still present. Don't judge a book by its cover, a person's physical appearance and social media could all be just a front. All that glitters isn't gold. 

 This is another pivotal moment I reached in my life that I am forever grateful for. I am now acutely aware of people's vibes  and listen to my intuition.   Vibes THEN actions speak louder than words!!!